It's Day 3....

Waking up this morning is still a little confusing. I open my eyes and the heavy reminder of the reality of my choice to leave my emotionally abusive husband, hit

me hard.

Normally I would have heard from him by now with some drawling statement to start reeling me back in.

Thankfully I've left in the past and I kinda know what to expect within myself, God knows it doesn't change how hard the battle in my head is to combat. If there was an award for So, day 3 is more of a battle with myself on whether I made the right decision or I left the only life I've known for so long. I am for sure feeling mourning and grieve over every future plan I believed to be true, until recently I'd never heard the term "Future Faking". Future faking is insane and is a very strong tool the narcissist uses to keep us hanging on and still fighting for the future together. It's all so confusing and hard to keep up with, I have so many different emotions and my thoughts go from one fear to another at this point.

I'm assuming being outside of my home and all of my clothes, and my dog has me feeling out of place in someone else's home. This is ultimately the main reason I end up running back, which is exactly the reason insecure people abuse anyone mentally or emotionally, they plant little seeds inside of our minds that are always hard at work to enforce the abuser's false beliefs they need for us to believe to nurture their fear of abandonment.

My husband always used this statement while arguing and I never understood why, "You know what you did and I'm not saying out loud, but you know", WHAT??? I'm not a dishonest person by any means. But those statements weren't meant for me, he was planting seeds inside of my daughter's head. Those seeds he's trying to plant inside her head is that, your mom has does something so bad that I can't even say it out loud because I care about you and am protecting you from the horrible things your mother did.

This blog is beginning to be a great source of therapy for me and if at the very least my blog helps me or anyone else get through some of the hardest times of their lives then it's served its purpose and I am content with that.

If you have taken the time to read any of my blogs I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your time and any support or advice you give.

Thank You, Jenn