10 Days and counting...

When I began this blog I wasn't sure exactly where I wanted to go with it. I never expected myself to leave my husband and the only friend I've had that sudden. I truly thought this would benefit my mind and my soul and in turn, would be strong enough to leave. And I was gonna do it the right way, the smart way. I was going to slowly pack our things away, sneak a tote out each day until magically I won, I beat the narcissist at his own game, and he will finally feel how I have every time he ran us out of our home.

WRONG!!! You cannot beat the narcissist! They have already felt your vibration shift, and I am a horrible actor, I do not have a poker face. So at this point, I think he and I both knew the gig was up. I think he thinks I'm a who or use black magic because I've learned him like a program. I was able to explain to him at the moment what he was attempting to do, and why he is attempting to before the lies and accusations even begin.

This man I am married to could now see that I have worked too hard on myself and my mind he could no longer hurt me because I stopped taking all of his hurtful ways personally. He could no longer reach into my chest and rip out my heart and watch me sob over it. He started hurting me by hurting my 10-year-old daughter by not letting me lay with my sick crying child, because I was using it as an excuse to do something else. Literally listened to us both sob and he didn't lose a wink of sleep.

I couldn't wait anymore. I was beginning to have panic attacks waiting for him to get home, and when I realized he was using Reagan to hurt me that's when I felt like it was getting dangerous again and the monster is gonna come out. We grabbed what we could be going out the door and haven't been back. I'm pretty sure he has a lady living there with 3 little kids and lives off welfare and other people's husbands.

It's been an amazing but scary week. I began a new job which i make my own schedule. I feel peace inside. But it's only with NO CONTACT. As soon as I knew he could no longer message me i felt a lot of weight off my shoulders.

I still have a long way to go, but I made a huge step. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read any of my posts. J.Miller